ꕥ teen angst never sounded so good

ꕥ  — OOC INFORMATION;

name / alias: elu.
age: nineteen.
pronouns: any.
ooc contact: tumblr @winifreya.
triggers: n/a.
other characters in xc: elidibus.

ꕥ  — IC INFORMATION;

name: ken amada
age: fifteen.
pronouns: she/he/they.
series: persona (3).
canon point: two years after persona 4: arena ultimax. (peep “extra” for timeline and media specifics 💛)
app triggers: heavy persona 3 spoilers, maternal death, several more instances of general death, child neglect, depression and suicidal ideation, attempted suicide, apocalyptic scenarios, gun violence, car accident mention, danger to a minor (unspeakable horrors occurring to an elementary school kid)

personality:

on the surface, this first-year student is a quiet youth who keeps to himself unless asked. the shell he crafts for others is built via careful manners and a calm disposition. and, for the most part, he crafts it in earnest. ken amada is a textbook example of someone made to grow up too fast. his level-headedness was built out of necessity and a desire to be taken seriously in the absence of others’ belief. he excels in his studies and towards the interests that matter to him most; few others’ determination can rival his own. he can handle solitude and quiet and finds a home in it in prayer. he is perceptive of both other people and animals alike. with all this, he can give off the impression of being a separate person entirely, and of someone far older than in truth.

but the most defining facet of ken amada’s character is that he is a child through and through, even if he would never admit it. he adores tokusatsu, tropey detectives, and vigilantes from comic books. his first pet and his dearest is named impulsively after fast food, and black coffee makes him sick. but ken is no more than nine years and some when his traumas compound, and a lack of belief from others towards what is perceived as childish delusions of grief distances him and forces him to mold into someone new simply to desire to survive. he has been starved of love through years of being on his own in early childhood and starved as purpose for just as long. history mars ken’s life by an irreparable tragedy of adolescence and the inability to act his age. he pushes down what he loves most in the name of others’ respect, hiding it until it bursts out of his chest, starry-eyed and passionate, and apologizing when he buries it in the earth. he undercuts his own determination by a morality built on the monologues of showstopper heroes and the mortal holders of death notes. even then, he despises being called a child and treated as lesser when he still has the face, voice, demeanor, and mind of one. he hates being pitied by those around him in the way that all “unfortunate children” are: as someone with nothing left for him and as someone with no one left to love him. and, more than any other belief, he hates the shared irresponsibility and immaturity of adults who have more power than him.

no matter what he does, ken amada is the youngest member of the persona 3 protagonist’s team, the most naïve, and the one to fall into the pitfalls of childish limits. but is that not what the rest of his life is for? indeed, four years have eroded the lining of a black-and-white morality, though they have hardly touched his flights of heroism. they have not fixed all his flaws nor let him forget and flee to a childhood innocence long lost, but they have given him a second chance to see life for what it is, and to accept what made it worth living so many years before. amada can only hope in that childish, starry-eyed view of the world that that outlook is the kind that would make past ghosts proud.

history / background:

it’s late at night. you’re a child, and you and your mom are laughing. there’s a little cage in a cardboard box that’s large in your arms, and there’s a hamster chittering inside. you race your mom to the front door and reach it first, taking the brunt of the impact for running side-first. but you’re laughing, and your mom is, too, and it all drifts away. you cook hamburgers over the countertop with her, and you end the day happy. it could be the two of you and your newfound friend forever, and you would never mind. this is a memory you’ll never forget.

it’s late at night. your name is ken amada, and you are alone in the remnants of the living room. the full face of the moon leers overhead and drips a sickly glow. the torn-out page of the calendar reads: the 4th of october, 2007. your mother’s blood is on the corner. a twice-made shadow looms over her, dissipates into the light, and the screams of strangers fade in the flight of a murderer. you’re the only one left in the rubble. your mother is dead. you remember the date and the hour and the picture. the shadows of the clouds engulf you. this is a memory you can never forget.

in the morning, they tell you she died in a car accident. but you know better. stretches of the world shrink between your fingertips. you go to school in the same breath, and the world there weeps for you. then the world buries the memory of your mom and carries on, leaving her to rot and you to sink in the smell of it. you keep going to school. someone reaches out for you and hamburger and gives you a place they call home. people pay for you. people pray for you. people cry. and you dry your tears in your fists and thank them for their kindness, and you hide away your memories.

you and hamburger are alone for two years. you pray at the local shrine every day for two years, and you think of your mom there with you. breaks go by, and you return to the dorms all alone. in the middle of the afternoon, you’re moved to another dorm because the adults need to fix your loneliness for you. he has “potential”, you overhear, but it’s not as though you’ll use it anyways. you’ll only spend your life in her memory.

in the middle of the afternoon, it turns out that this potential is in your favor. it’s a hot day at the end of summer vacation, and you’re at the mall strip to buy groceries and cool off. you hear a famed student from your new living quarters talk to a stranger, and that’s when you hear something strange. your heart catches in your breath. you’re trapped under the heat and the blood left by your bones as they talk of a memory from two years ago. the stranger wants to forget. the stranger knows your dormmate. the stranger has…

in the evening, you force your way into the dorm’s operations. they can’t keep you away by the limits of sleep and information anymore. and the stranger follows you back. you tail him sometimes, and you learn who he is. you train and you train and you train. you remember her memory until it’s all that you have left, until it’s her memory and your mission in your hands, and there’s nothing for you after that.

it’s the dark hour, on the 25th hour of another full moon. the page of the dorm calendar reads: the 4th of october, 2009. you tell shinjiro aragaki to meet you on the other side of the island, and he follows. you pray to your mom, and you find her watching over you. you point your longspear at him, and you tell him you’ll kill him. your mission for revenge is at an end. your mom’s memory won’t be forgotten.

it’s the 4th of october, 2009. aragaki dies because of you, but not by your hand. he dies in his friend’s arms, surrounded by people who cry for him when he’s gone. you’re held back from his body in a hug, and you end up crying, too. your mission for revenge is at an end because there’s no one left to fulfill it. you live on anyway, and the memory of this night does, too.

this is all i’ve been living for. what was even the point?

you never get an answer. or your memory says otherwise. he tells you to live for yourself. you spend the next years trying to live up to his words. you pray, and you train, and you remember. you help save the world while you’re at it. you stay with hamburger, with koromaru, and with everyone else. you keep your memories close. and, in spite of everything, you live on.

powers / abilities:

inherent abilities:

items / weapons:

starting ability: no ^_^.
starting item: hamburger.
would you like this character to be housed upon arrival?: yes.

extra:

discord id: aeschylean